i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
