He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
