Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
