I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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