Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
