Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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