You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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