dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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