So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
