Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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