Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I smell stomach acid.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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