no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
