I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
