I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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