Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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