if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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