you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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