as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
we should paint friendship bongs
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
