she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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