I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
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I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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