It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
