Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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