my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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