my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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