i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
