by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
