you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
