thus making me awesome and them whores
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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