So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
