Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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