I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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