I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
