Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
