Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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