I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
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when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
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