please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
where does the pee come out of this thing
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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