We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
