I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
