Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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