As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
