We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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