I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
