just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
