Girls should come with a carfax report
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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