i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
