I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
