but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
