similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
