there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
