after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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