Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
