I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
