I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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