dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wish my penis had a tongue
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
