This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
