I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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