Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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