Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
