God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
