Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize