i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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