I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
