ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
