therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
